The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
