So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
