My cat gives me a boner
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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