I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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