I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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