I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
