did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
