Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
