Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
