well I can't set my house on fire every night
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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