You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
