...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
