nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
