Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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