omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
