After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
