listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
