we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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