Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
