One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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