That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
