My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
