Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
