return my video game
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
