I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I think I died a long time ago.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I want a musical about memes.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
