i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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