Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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