We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
