Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
