I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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