Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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