After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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