So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
