im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
