There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
