She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
How does it feel to date your dad?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
