filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
This house was built for laser tag.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Randomize
