fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
