Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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