found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
