Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
