Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
