You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
