I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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