You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
