the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
