I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
