I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
