I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
