You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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