Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
