I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
