So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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