GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
