Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
