is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
