I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
