Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Randomize
