Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
