I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
