I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
