Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
