I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
