she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
