I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
